Ask Dr Aunty Joan

Here’s a letter we received from one of our readers:

Dear Aunty Joan,

I have been working on a wonderful new skill – propelling myself along the floor on my behind. I have been practising in private and can now get up quite a speed. The problem is, whenever I do this, people laugh at me and tell me to stop. Are they just jealous, or is this some sort of secret sign language?

Puzzled Monty, Strathfield.

Dear Puzzled Monty,

Propelling oneself on oneself’s behind is, I must say, among the more unusual physical pursuits I have come across (and I like AFL). I imagine the sight you sliding across the carpet on your nether regions would raise a smile from onlookers, but don’t let that get you down, it is a very unique and clever skill, and remember, you are probably the best in the world at it.

I believe the Commonwealth Games in 2006 will be held in Melbourne. What better time and place to unveil to the world this amazing activity? If not as an event then maybe as a part of the opening ceremony. (Could Nikki Webster could be taught the skill in time?).

Besides athletics and amusement, could it have physiological applications as an alternative to walking?

Anyway, I believe this is a totally normal activity and it is your friends that have the real problem (alternatively, you could have tapeworm). Good luck with it, I’m sure it will be an Olympic event in no time (albeit an unusual one, but then again, so is butterfly).

Watchout for the floorboards,

Love, Dr Aunty Joan

Dr Aunty Joan has a new book out but it’s not very good, so I wouldn’t bother if I was you.

If you have a question for Dr Aunty Joan, reply and she’ll sort you out Dr-Aunty style.

2 Comments

  • Anonymous wrote:

    Dear Aunty Joan,
    I really enjoy the animated television series named Futurama. This television series was created by Matthew Groening, the creator of the Simpsons. In my opinion it is much more humerous and witty than the Simpsons,(not dicrediting the Simpsons in any way, I am a huge fan), but is not played on commercial TV anymore. As a result, I have to borrow the DVD’s of said TV series to veiw them and this is time consuming and frustrating, the only other way to veiw them is via Foxtel, which I do not have. This whole ordeal is upsetting me, how can I get the good people at commercial television to show this wonderful and witty show once more?

    Dave, Strathfield

  • Anonymous wrote:

    Dear Aunty Joan,
    I have this problem you see, I don’t like the thought of sharing footwear with another being. But just today a young girl asked me to lend her my shoes as she had none and i couldn’t bring myself to refuse. Now just looking at these shoes send a shiver down my spine. I feel so violated. How do you suggest I work on getting over my fear of contracting Tinea from my shoes? They are a favourite pair of mine too, and it is not a solution to throw them and get a new pair. Please help me Aunty Joan.
    From a young woman in need

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